Dolce Espresso has been selling The Mentor Within since its launch in 2016. Today I popped in to give every member of the Dolce management and staff a signed copy to thank them for their constant support. Ashbir and her team are passionate about making the book available to their customers, and gladly took over the support Jack (the previous owner) gave me. If you read the book, see if you can spot the mention of Dolce. Let them know. Thanks Dolce. Here's hoping plenty of readers have reconnected with their inner wisdom and are making better decisions and taking powerful action in their lives. Dolce Espresso... See MoreSee Less
Simple strategy, powerful concept"I'm at capacity."
Those are pretty simple words, but I've found they can make a pretty big difference for people who spend a lot of their time holding space for others. I was once speaking to a crowd of about 150 therapists, school counsellors, youth support workers, etc. (the kind of big-hearted people who give a LOT), and I suggested those might be words they could add to their vocabulary when they don't have any energy left for emotional labour. It was an all-day workshop and I shared a lot of other ideas, but THOSE were the ones I most heard echoed back to me when people came to thank me afterwards. Few of them had ever considered speaking their limitations out loud.
I have a fairly simple barometer that tells me when I'm at capacity. When someone asks me for something and I feel the urge to bark back at them rising up in me (even if it's someone I love dearly), then I know I'm at or near capacity and it's time to step back and clear space for myself. I've become fairly attuned to it and can even feel it showing up in my body when I find too many questions in my email inbox. (If it ever takes me a few days to reply to you, it may be because you happened to reach me when I was at capacity.)
It's never personal - the person I want to bark at isn't the one to blame for me reaching or extending beyond my capacity - but if I bark, it feels personal. So I look for other (more kind) ways to let them know that they'll either have to wait or find someone else who has more capacity than I do at the time. And I'm getting better and better at hitting the pause button long before the barking becomes a reality.
When we do physical labour, our bodies let us know when we've maxed out and need a rest. We get similar messages from our bodies when we've maxed out on emotional labour, but most of us have learned to ignore those signs and push on regardless.
First, we have to be able to recognize the signs and begin to articulate them, and then (and this is BIG) we have to stop taking responsibility for the people who are offended when we say "no" or "not right now" or "find someone else". ... See MoreSee Less
Have a little chat with your Mentor Within and check that your #Ethics are as you want them to be. I wrote this to help you bring the discussion to your management meeting with self. ... See MoreSee Less
We need to make sure our ethics show up in all our actions. Ethicists argue that people make decisions about what action to take based on two questions: 1. How many people will be damaged by me doing the wrong thing (and how big would that damage be)? and 2. Is this just wrong and therefore I won’...